THUNK DRUNK
February 23rd 2007 05:20
I can always tell when I have too much time on my hands, I find myself spending a lot of time living cerebrally rather than physically, if you get my drift… thinking.
What’s wrong with thinking, you might well say, and I probably wouldn’t acknowledge you because I am off with the pixies, deep in thought.
My point is, I don’t spend the time thinking about the future, say for example,
how I am going to make the mortgage repayments in three months time, oh no, that would be a much too practical and tedious way to pass the time.
I prefer to leave such mundane matters in the hands of the gods and usually something comes along and I throw myself headlong into whatever paying project it is for however long it takes, have a nervous breakdown or a holiday and so the cycle continues on its sometimes not so merry way.
I find myself living in the past, dwelling in time’s gone by and never to be again, not so much reliving events of my recent or even ancient history, more like trying to work out what goddam lessons I was supposed to be learning at a given point.
Sometimes it’s apparent and I don’t think of those times for very long, no need, done and dusted…moving right along………next and so on and so forth.
I am one of those obstinate type of individual who has to learn the hard way, I have to experience things for myself to “get it”, understand it, even if I end up with bumps and scrapes and bruises along the way. When it comes to life’s lessons I am definitely a slow burner, a gradual learner, a toddler wibbling and wobbling along the path of life…….
I guess where I am at now in my life, mid 40’s, I have sort of come to a standstill, well that’s how it seems anyhow. No point creating or partaking in any new experiences if I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, different day, same blunder, repetitive, hypnotic, comfortable in a weird mashochistic way? De-ja-vu, here we go again………ad nauseam et al………
I feel like I am thunk drunk, intoxicated by my thoughts, inebriated by feelings,
slightly numbed, dry mouth, blurry vision, co-ordination a little impaired,
emotions heightened, my life swirls on the screen in my mind like an out of focus re-run of ground hog day, day in day out…….
A wiser soul than me once said ……”Where there is life there is hope, so I hope and I pray that there is hope for me yet”………………..
What’s wrong with thinking, you might well say, and I probably wouldn’t acknowledge you because I am off with the pixies, deep in thought.
My point is, I don’t spend the time thinking about the future, say for example,
how I am going to make the mortgage repayments in three months time, oh no, that would be a much too practical and tedious way to pass the time.
I prefer to leave such mundane matters in the hands of the gods and usually something comes along and I throw myself headlong into whatever paying project it is for however long it takes, have a nervous breakdown or a holiday and so the cycle continues on its sometimes not so merry way.
I find myself living in the past, dwelling in time’s gone by and never to be again, not so much reliving events of my recent or even ancient history, more like trying to work out what goddam lessons I was supposed to be learning at a given point.
Sometimes it’s apparent and I don’t think of those times for very long, no need, done and dusted…moving right along………next and so on and so forth.
I am one of those obstinate type of individual who has to learn the hard way, I have to experience things for myself to “get it”, understand it, even if I end up with bumps and scrapes and bruises along the way. When it comes to life’s lessons I am definitely a slow burner, a gradual learner, a toddler wibbling and wobbling along the path of life…….
I guess where I am at now in my life, mid 40’s, I have sort of come to a standstill, well that’s how it seems anyhow. No point creating or partaking in any new experiences if I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, different day, same blunder, repetitive, hypnotic, comfortable in a weird mashochistic way? De-ja-vu, here we go again………ad nauseam et al………
I feel like I am thunk drunk, intoxicated by my thoughts, inebriated by feelings,
slightly numbed, dry mouth, blurry vision, co-ordination a little impaired,
emotions heightened, my life swirls on the screen in my mind like an out of focus re-run of ground hog day, day in day out…….
A wiser soul than me once said ……”Where there is life there is hope, so I hope and I pray that there is hope for me yet”………………..
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