KEEPING THE SEX OUT OF EX-RELATIONSHIPS
February 22nd 2007 05:14
My ex, (tv through the window ex), is working up the coast from where I am visiting my family, he called me today to see if I would like to get together with him on the weekend.
My good friend who I am staying with at the moment and who knows us both commented “Make sure you don’t sleep with him if you do see him”, I replied pretty miffed “Why would I do that”, she simply said “Because that’s what you always do with your ex’s and it always ends in tears for one of you, usually you”.
I was pretty pissed off with her and took a long walk, just me, myself and my always ticking over frontal lobe. How dare she say that, who is she to talk, her love life aint exactly been the epitome of light and love and happily ever after.
After a few km’s and a bruised toe to match my ego, (I don’t recommend power walking in thongs), I had to admit to myself that based on past experience, she was in fact correct, hit the nail on the head and hammered it straight to the heart of the matter. I have slept with all but two of my ex’s after the relationship had ended, of those two one was dead and the other had re-married his second ex-wife or I probably would have ended up in bed with them as well.
To me, looking back, this has always brought a conclusion to the relationships.
Closure has often been delayed due to the circumstances around the, if you like, first ending of the live-in situations. Without going into details, lets say that more than one lover has packed in the night while I am sleeping and left a note saying that if they hadn’t left then I would have talked them out of it in the morning.. enough to give me a complex, that’s for sure, and the other situations don’t bear mentioning, no point. The common denominator has been that no final discussion took place, no closure, no end of the chapter, time to read a new book, change the channel. This lack of resolution or dissolution, if you will, had the effect that when we did meet sometime after the event, emotions were still raw, rough around the edges. Heightened feelings for me, sad or otherwise have an aphrodisiac effect and one last fling has often seemed a poignant way to put things behind me, say goodbye, and yes sometimes it has been painful and I have regretted it, and sometimes it was cathartic and helped me to move forward, and I have remained friends with all of my ex’s who are alive and I have never again slept with any of them after that final coupling.
Having said all that………….I have no intention of sleeping with my most recent ex, Why………. because I already did that, last year, six months after we split, and I felt then and there that there would never be any going back to “the way we were” or any other romantic notion. We have a good relationship as friends, I love him dearly and care what happens in his life, and that’s it and that’s how I would like it to stay………
My good friend who I am staying with at the moment and who knows us both commented “Make sure you don’t sleep with him if you do see him”, I replied pretty miffed “Why would I do that”, she simply said “Because that’s what you always do with your ex’s and it always ends in tears for one of you, usually you”.
I was pretty pissed off with her and took a long walk, just me, myself and my always ticking over frontal lobe. How dare she say that, who is she to talk, her love life aint exactly been the epitome of light and love and happily ever after.
After a few km’s and a bruised toe to match my ego, (I don’t recommend power walking in thongs), I had to admit to myself that based on past experience, she was in fact correct, hit the nail on the head and hammered it straight to the heart of the matter. I have slept with all but two of my ex’s after the relationship had ended, of those two one was dead and the other had re-married his second ex-wife or I probably would have ended up in bed with them as well.
To me, looking back, this has always brought a conclusion to the relationships.
Closure has often been delayed due to the circumstances around the, if you like, first ending of the live-in situations. Without going into details, lets say that more than one lover has packed in the night while I am sleeping and left a note saying that if they hadn’t left then I would have talked them out of it in the morning.. enough to give me a complex, that’s for sure, and the other situations don’t bear mentioning, no point. The common denominator has been that no final discussion took place, no closure, no end of the chapter, time to read a new book, change the channel. This lack of resolution or dissolution, if you will, had the effect that when we did meet sometime after the event, emotions were still raw, rough around the edges. Heightened feelings for me, sad or otherwise have an aphrodisiac effect and one last fling has often seemed a poignant way to put things behind me, say goodbye, and yes sometimes it has been painful and I have regretted it, and sometimes it was cathartic and helped me to move forward, and I have remained friends with all of my ex’s who are alive and I have never again slept with any of them after that final coupling.
Having said all that………….I have no intention of sleeping with my most recent ex, Why………. because I already did that, last year, six months after we split, and I felt then and there that there would never be any going back to “the way we were” or any other romantic notion. We have a good relationship as friends, I love him dearly and care what happens in his life, and that’s it and that’s how I would like it to stay………
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Comment by David
I'd like to have had sex with my ex's when I was living with them ... ***
David ...
Comment by Miss Nomer
Funny about that, the after relationship sex was often more meaningful if that made sense, more poignant, powerful, saying goodbye. My next relationship will be full of hot sex or it wont be a relationship.
x
Miss Nomr