Choice
August 2nd 2006 00:25
Some time ago when I was in the pits of depression and seeking for some justificaion to my existence I came across an idea. That idea was that there was only one real choice that I had in my life...
Everything that exists as I know it, exists because I have been taught to understand and perceive existence in a certain way. Hence, I realised that I really didn't have a choice on anything in life. I've mentioned this in one of my previous posts - that we don't have the choice on whether to be born or not. And really, if you analyse life in the same way as I am about to show you now, I think you may realise that we really don't have any "choice" in life.
Now what I mean by "choice" is that everything you know, everything you understand, you've been taught... Even something as basic as the colour "blue". You didn't create that colour, you didn't name it, you were taught that the hue you perceive in a certain light is known as "blue" and hence we understand it as "blue". This can be applied to any and all aspects of life... Even involuntary actions such as breathing and eating - since I didn't design the human body, I didn't create oxygen and blood and lungs and anything else, in the end, nothing comes down to my own pure choice.
And so that got me thinking... Do I really have no pure choice at all in life? And I came to believe that the only real choice we had was death in suicide... Now the topic of suicide can be quite contraversial for some. If you are one, I advise you to stop reading... I don't want to encourage suicide, actually now I think it's quite stupid... Since we are all bound to die, you might as well live it out until then. But then again I do support euthanasia... because I believe that people who are suffering from an incurable disease and are literally in pain and suffering every waking moment of their lives - I believe that they deserve to choice to choose death.
Anyways I realised that suicide is really the only real choice we have in this life... No one can make you suicide, suicide by definition is the taking of your own life... Choosing not to exist.... So I came up with this motto - "I did not choose to be born but I can choose to die"... I don't live by it anymore, but I still do believe in it.
These days I try not to have a problem with life and existence. Before, especially when I was fascinated with the idea of suicide, this was the biggest problem I had... I didn't like the fact that I did not choose to live this crappy life. I didn't get the choose the rules in which to play this game of life. So I was angry and wanted to have a pure choice - something that only I could decide on my own.
Thinking about it now, actually, suicide itself as a choice is problematic. Cause you still have to play by the rules of life and death. So I guess for my reality, a pure choice will never exist... Which is good since I've now decided to be satisfied with the "rules of life" and "live life to the fullest"... whatever that means~ heh... No... I know what that means for me... but I'll save that for another post~
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