AM I NOBODY WITHOUT SOMEBODY?
February 19th 2007 06:36
Since I have been single, this last eighteen months, I am often at my loneliest when I come home to visit my family. I guess it could be that the family unit is broken down into couples, pigeon pairs, dynamic duos, teams of two;
Mum and Dad, Brother and Sister-in-law, other Brother and Fiancé, joined with another human in a socially defined manner, dysfunctional as some of the connections may be, there’s still a correlation, and then there’s just me………….single, solo, uno, unmarried without children…..
Not a YUPPI, not a DINK, I guess that makes me a SINK? hang on …………..I’m not working at the moment so does that make me SUNK?
Could it be that I don’t I feel significant if I don’t have a partner?
Am I searching for affirmation of my worth through the eyes of someone who says they love me?
Am I longing to be half one whole of a relationship for the wrong reasons?
I am looking for someone to provide me with the self-esteem I am lacking,
like a golden shower of pride and self-respect?
Or am I just lonely because I don’t like my own company?
If I don’t like my own company how can I expect anyone else to enjoy
my company?
Well……….I better, should, would change this if I could………………………….. or do I actually like being miserable, feeling sorry for myself, having a reason to
be uncheerful, 1, 2 & 3? Get off on the anti-eurphoria of the non-adrenalin blocking my charkas and clouding my auric field with black shadows?
Or maybe…………….I’ll try to be content in my melancholy, embrace it, accept it for what it is, an emotion, a feeling, nothing more, nothing less, for it too shall rise and pass away, impermanent as everything is on this earthly plain.
Mum and Dad, Brother and Sister-in-law, other Brother and Fiancé, joined with another human in a socially defined manner, dysfunctional as some of the connections may be, there’s still a correlation, and then there’s just me………….single, solo, uno, unmarried without children…..
Not a YUPPI, not a DINK, I guess that makes me a SINK? hang on …………..I’m not working at the moment so does that make me SUNK?
Could it be that I don’t I feel significant if I don’t have a partner?
Am I searching for affirmation of my worth through the eyes of someone who says they love me?
Am I longing to be half one whole of a relationship for the wrong reasons?
I am looking for someone to provide me with the self-esteem I am lacking,
like a golden shower of pride and self-respect?
Or am I just lonely because I don’t like my own company?
If I don’t like my own company how can I expect anyone else to enjoy
my company?
Well……….I better, should, would change this if I could………………………….. or do I actually like being miserable, feeling sorry for myself, having a reason to
be uncheerful, 1, 2 & 3? Get off on the anti-eurphoria of the non-adrenalin blocking my charkas and clouding my auric field with black shadows?
Or maybe…………….I’ll try to be content in my melancholy, embrace it, accept it for what it is, an emotion, a feeling, nothing more, nothing less, for it too shall rise and pass away, impermanent as everything is on this earthly plain.
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